Desparate for American Television

Those of you that know me well realize that I travel more than the average Joe. The military has taken me all over the United States, twice to South America and Iraq, and even to Indonesia. While being away from my family is always a challenge, one thing that has remained constant in my travels is television. I love television. I love having over 500 channels to choose from. I love that I can watch football games on several different networks at the same time. I love being able to record one program while watching another. I love infomericals...the idea that I can try something absolutely risk free for 30 days makes my skin tingle. I love reality shows!! I could spend the rest of my life watching Survivor and So You Think You Can Dance and consider myself a lucky man for having done it. In short...I love television.

Like I said...I travel a lot!! Even while I was in Iraq, I was able to watch my favorite programs via the Armed Forces Network. It's true that I had to listen to the military propaganda commercials, but it was worth watching commercials about how I could potentially die if I didn't wear my reflective belt, as long as I knew they would show who won Hell's Kitchen. In fact, those programs were what kept me going at times. I will never forget watching the 2005 Super Bowl with my bros from the 34th Fighter Squadron. We sat together until early in the morning in order to watch the game live. Again...in case there is any doubt, I love television.

Why is it important to show my love for television? Well, I have been in Morocco for exactly one week, and I am desparate for American shows!! I am staying at a relatively nice hotel in the heart of the capital of Morocco. The Tour Hassan boasts a lovely pool, a moderate workout facility (2 treadmills really and a few free weights...so twice as big as my house gym), a decent breakfast, and 3 English speaking channels on the television! Allow me to give a brief description of each.

CNN

My least watched channel has been CNN. Now normally, I would never watch CNN back home. I might watch FOX News at times if there isn't a good infomercial on instead. However, I have already spent countless hours watching live coverage of Hurricane Irene, how the stock market is doing and mulitiple features on the country of Mongolia (did you know that one of their famous Sumo Wrestlers is now a very successul businessman?). Sadly, while I love me some stories on Mongolia, Darth Vader does not periodically say "This is CNN", so I have limited that channel as much as I can.

MOVIE CHANNEL

I am not very picky when it comes to movies. My family will tell you that my taste in movies is not necessarily normal. I loved Austin Powers...I laughed like crazy at Ace Ventura Pet Detective and classics like Tommy Boy, Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore are genius! So, I was thrilled to see that one of my three options was a movie channel. Now keep in mind that these movies have subtitles in Arabic, but I can deal with that (except for when they speak a different language in the movie and my English subtitles have been removed...think Davinci Code). The movies have also been edited for sex and nudity...which is great! However, they didn't find it necessary to edit the swear words. I guess if I heard Arabic swear words, I wouldn't know the difference either. In general, this channel has been really good. I've seen some good movies, but also mindlessly watched some garbage!! Keep in mind that I can make it through almost anything. However...I had to call uncle in a movie that featured Hulk Hogan as Ray Chase, a klutzy overgrown toy seller that is really a secret agent. I lasted about 20 minutes before I had to see what was going on in Mongolia. To the film's credit, I lasted 5 minutes longer than I did for Ishtar. For those wanting to watch it on Net Flicks, it is called The Secret Agent Club. For those that want to rent it after I just told you how bad it is...do so at your own risk, and avoid doing it with any sharp objects around!!

EUROSPORTS

Without question, the best program I have available is the Eurosports network. I love watching sports!! So...I figured that this would be a great way to spend my evenings. I figured I could catch a baseball game or a pre-season football game. What was I thinking?! This is EUROsports. I wasn't exactly sure what the difference between American sports and European sports actually was. I now have it clear in my mind. European sports are any sport in which the spectator must be stoned out of their mind, drunk,or utterly desparate for any person speaking English to enjoy (I'm happy to report that I was the latter). I am sad to say that my addiction to this network began with a thrilling championship of Snooker. Snooker is a form of Billiards that I now know way too much about for my own good. I've watched a few soccer games (apparently they call it futbol over here), some tennis, a lot of cycling and even some water polo. However, nothing prepared me for excitement like some quality speed walking. Last night I literally stayed up until 2 in the morning watching an entire 20K speed walking race that took place in South Korea at the World Track and Field Championships. You might think that they were going back and forth between the hurdles or 400M semi-finals. They were not! I kept hoping they would. But alas...I watched one hour and 26 minutes (a great pace by the way) of women's speed walking. Someone help me!!

I love television!! I am desparate for entertainment!! Please send me a DVD of infomercials soon!