FISH EYE SOUP

I consider myself a lucky man. When it comes to food, I have very little to complain about. Growing up I had a wonderful mother who was an excellent cook. My friends would always want to come over because my mom regularly cooked chocolate chip cookies that were out of this world good! When I left my mother’s cooking, I scored a wife that is not only smokin’ hot, but also a wonderful cook (and added mint chips to a cookie that I thought could not be beat…sorry mom). Even when I served a mission in Chile, I was lucky enough to have someone cook my meals for me. While they were never up to the standards of my mom’s cooking, I never went hungry and I never had to live on Top Ramen.

There are only two meals that I can remember being so bad that they will forever remain on my palate and mind. Ironically, one of those meals was made by the hands of my dear, sweet wife (editor’s note: Dear Sweet Wife…don’t forget that I just said what an amazing cook you are and that you make better cookies than my mother). We had been married for less than a year and were living in our first apartment. We had survived on Chicken Helper and other fancy meals that come out of a box. One day Jen decided she would go outside the box (yes that is a pun…you see I just mentioned we had been eating meals out of a box…get it?). She decided to make us some homemade Chinese food. Well, long story short, it called for corn starch…she added baking soda. Now I will be honest, I’m not sure if I could have told you the difference between the two powders. If we had of been up to speed with the internet back then (thank you Al Gore), we could have easily found answers like this on Answers.com… “Can you use corn starch instead of baking soda or powder?” “No! They are not even close to the same thing (are you trying to poison your husband?!). Baking Soda and Baking Powder are chemical leavening agents. Corn Starch is starch and is used as a thickener.” Sadly, we were not up to speed with the internet, and we had a fairly bad meal that night. As a newlywed, I ate as much as I could with a smile on my face. Jen finally caved and admitted it was not good (bless you my love). I’m not sure what we ended up eating that night, but I know it was not Chinese food (editor’s note: Jen is the best cook EVER. She has not made a bad meal since…all while maintaining super model looks and a wonderful sense of humor).

The second bad meal was served to me on my mission. It was my first Thanksgiving away from home. I remember walking the streets of Chile talking to my American companion about the wonderful things our families were eating that day. We managed to make each other fairly homesick and finally headed back to our home for lunch. We lived with a member of our Stake Presidency and his wife cooked us all of our meals (I did mention I never had to eat Top Ramen as a way of life). Well, you can only imagine the feeling of sweet joy that radiated throughout my entire being as I entered a house permeated with the smell of fish-eye soup. Yep…that is not a type-o, I had fish-eye soup for my first Thanksgiving meal away from home. As a side note, when we returned to live in Chile years later, my amazing, forgiving wife made sure to invite the missionaries over to our house each Thanksgiving to make sure that they had a perfectly cooked meal. In spite of my pleading to serve them fish-eye soup, she always made them turkey with all of the fixin’s.

As you can see, two bad meals over the course of 28 years (I am so not looking forward to next year where I will finally be “29 and holding”) is a fairly good record. When I returned from my mission, I got married as soon as possible in order to have someone who could continue providing me healthy, nutritious meals. Jen and I were married just 8 months after I got home, and aside from the one rare incident mentioned above, she has kept me well fed for over 18 years. On the many occasions that the Air Force has taken me away from home, I’ve still enjoyed some pretty good vittles (thank you, tax payers for making sure that I had crab legs at least once a week). Well…for all of the luck that I have had, it all came to a crashing halt when I was sent to Morocco for an entire year…with no cook!!

When I first got to Morocco and finally settled in to my lavish apartment (that should be read with a touch of sarcasm), I kept waiting for someone to bring me my dinner. After eating at McDonalds for 3 days straight, I realized that I was actually going to be required to make my own meals (I wish that had been explained to me prior to accepting the assignment). I immediately called McDonalds to see if they delivered. When I found out they didn’t, I then made my way to the local grocery store.

It has been well documented that French and Arabic are not my strongest skills (for those wondering, hunting Wolverines with my freakin’ 12-gauge is one of my stronger skills). As a result, shopping was not an easy task for me. It’s bad enough that they use the darn metric system (like every other country except the United States does) and I have to figure out how much 200 grams equates to in our superior system, but then I had to ask for it in a different language. I found myself sticking to the very basics when I first started out shopping. One of the easiest things I could get was a simple carton of eggs. I’ve always liked eggs…they are easy to make and relatively good for you too. I also stocked up on tuna fish, another easy meal with some muscle building protein to boot. I subjected myself to the ridicule in the deli department and got some cheese and turkey too (for some reason I could not find ham). Anyway…that was about the extent of my shopping. Along with some butter and bread, I basically had everything I need for a week’s worth of meals. It turned out I was going to make it after all.

I overestimated my love of eggs. I thought I could eat eggs for 365 days straight…I was wrong. I can eat them for at least 30 days straight. For the first month here, I ate eggs every night. I tried to put some variety in the way I prepared them. One night I would scramble them with the cheese and turkey. One night I would make an “egg in the hole” sandwich (thank you, mother for teaching me that). I had fried eggs, omelets, turkey and egg sandwiches…you name it, I tried it. I forgot about the tuna fish…that stuff would keep, I needed eggs! It made my shopping experience so easy. My only decision was if I would buy 12, 18 or 24 eggs for the week. I’m not ashamed to say that I was addicted to eggs…until I wasn’t. Yep, there came a point where I went to prepare my dinner and thought that if I had to eat another egg I might literally go crazy…I was grateful to have a can of tuna waiting for my breakdown moment.

Since my breakdown, I’m happy to report that I have become a lot more open to cooking new things. Jen was instrumental in my recovery. She has stood by me every step of the way. She has sent me turkey peperoni (ironic…yes) so that I have been able to make homemade pizza. She sent me a crockpot and gravy mix so I could make amazing things like roast beef and Hawaiian/Shorty’s Chicken. I even managed to make a pot of Moroccan Chili. I still revert to the occasional egg every once in a while, but only because I want to…not because I have to! I feel lucky to have overcome such a low time in my life. Now if I could just get that recipe for some delicious fish-eye soup!

Happy eating everyone.